Tailgating Guides Our Lives ... Or at least it guides mine.

by: Captain Buffalo

Tailgating, the art of creating a festive environment prior to a grand event!  What’s not to love? Well, not only is it a great time, but tailgating provides more than just that!  Wait? You didn’t know? We tailgaters are a different breed!  Let me take a minute and share with you just a few of the skills that we hone through tailgating!

DISCLAIMER: The following concepts are presented by myself, Captain Buffalo. All statements I hold as my own, and mine alone. I insure through my own personal integrity, that all statements are held true! I do hope you enjoy them, and hope even more you can  relate to them!

When I began tailgating, my daily driver was a 1999 VW New Beetle. This car had been bought before marriage, children, and tailgating. Though it would have been nice to have a larger tailgate vehicle, the reality was that I was in no position to drive something else; I would have to make do.

It is an absolute fact that when tailgating, a workspace is needed.  Tailgating without a table just would not work. However, fitting a standard table in the trunk of a Volkswagen Beetle was not going to work either, though.  Something had to be done! 

This dilemma pushed my ingenuity, resulting in a tailgate bar that has served me well for nearly two decades now. (Note the dated Buffalo Bills color scheme of the early 2000s - Red, White and Navy Blue) Designed with slots, pegs, and held together with only three bolts, this bar can be assembled in about 2 minutes. Rugged enough to be battered by the elements in Buffalo. Sturdy enough to hold a grill, beverages, or even a bowling ball!  Better yet, it fits in the trunk of a VW Beetle!

Adaptability: Tailgating Reminds Us That Home Is Where The Heart Is

Most football fans sleep in their beds prior to a Sunday kickoff. Others are forced to travel, so we can tailgate before seeing our team play. Regardless of the situation, sleep is necessary prior to the game-day celebration.

Those of us that travel, often find some kinks, impeding our sleep. Maybe a hotel reservation was bungled. Perhaps, your room is located next to the ice machine.  The wear and tear on the wallet may also restrict your travel budget; especially when you start adding up those tailgating receipts!

Here are some of the more interesting sleeps I’ve had prior to tailgating. I’ve caught a good 5 hours in the trunk of a 2010 Honda Insight hatchback before a tailgate at Heinz Field. On the way to a Bills at Bengals tailgate, outside the Cincinnati city limits, I caught a good 2 hours behind the steering wheel, parked at a truckstop.

The highlight (or lowlight if you will) was when I rented a storage unit outside the Bills stadium. I stored a camper there, to save miles, as I drive over 300+ miles to a home game. Anyway, on Friday I would leave work, and not arrive at the storage unit late in the night. Rather than splurge on a hotel room, I would sleep in the storage locker. Mind you, this was an unheated storage unit. Also, it was a “fun” night when a sheriff’s deputy banged on the door, asking who we were (me, my wife, and two small children), and why we were sleeping in a storage locker!

 Punctuality: Tailgating Affects Our Concept of Time

 Tailgating is exciting. Very exciting.  This enjoyment often creeps into our subconscious brain, preventing us from a solid, uninterrupted sleep.

 Through the years, I have, and still continue to, find myself awake at absurd points of the day, and it's directly attributable to tailgating.  Sometimes it is planned, such as using an alarm, so an arrival outside a parking lot gate can be planned, ensuring the pristine location for a solid tailgate.  Other times, it may be in a panic, realizing you forgot to pack an important tailgating supply. 

 I have been outside Cleveland’s “Muni Lot” at 3:45am, waiting for the gate to open.  I have applied facepaint at 4:45am in the moonlight outside New Era Field in Orchard Park.  I’ve had security next to Lucas Oil Stadium, in Indianapolis, knock on my window, waking me up at 4:15am, asking for my parking pass.

My favorite ridiculously early moment, though? I was too excited to see a Bills at Jets game to sleep, so I drove to the stadium instead of trying to go back to sleep. I once cooked bacon by moonlight in the Meadowlands.

 Scheduling: Tailgating Creates New Ways To Understand The Concept Of Time

To many, the calendar can be described as 365 days, 52 weeks, or 12 months.  You simply jot down an event in the little box on that paper thing hanging on your refrigerator. Life moves along day by day.  You roll with it and see how it goes.

 Tailgaters however, think in an alternate way.  We look at time in two stages; football season and the off-season. One is blocked out, restricted to the utmost.  The other is a time of relaxation, combined with frantic work, so that nothing interferes with the former. That is it. There are only two ways to measure time.

 I have, as many of us have, built a lifestyle on these two-time stages. Dentists have been told that an appointment will have to wait. Car inspections and repairs are strategically scheduled during the summer months. Doctors have been advised that treatments can not begin until spring. Thanksgiving will have a “rescheduling” this year. Christmas, moved to the next weekend? Well, I haven’t got to that one yet!

 Preparedness: Tailgating Forces Us To Think Beyond The Norm

 Game day! Many people throw on a jersey, check their tickets, head to an ATM, hop in the car, then off they go to the stadium!  It’s a great day out; so simple!

 Not for us tailgaters though! For us extreme tailgaters, we must be prepared! When we run the tailgate we will have many people, some of whom may not be well versed in the parking lot lifestyle.  Packing our tailgate supplies has nuances! For these rookies, we often pride ourselves on the ability to offer our welcome wagon services!

 In my tailgate experience, like many, I have offered many types of assistance to fellow tailgaters (some less experienced than others). I have provided cooking spray to people who brought a pan with no butter or oil. I’ve soothed the panicked friend, who ran out of cold beverages, with the official “emergency beer” supply. Injuries occur, so I’m always stocked with first aid gear. Oh no! Rain? I’ve got a spare poncho for you. Too early to start tailgating? Take a coffee. Do you need sugar with that? Was the Saturday pre-game celebration too… festive? Yes, I have some aspirin for you.

Captain Buffalo

Coming to Buffalo? Let me know! I feed off people’s smiles and good vibes!

Find me!   TheCaptainBuffalo@gmail.com